Σάββατο, 26 Μαΐου 2012

Hard times...

I haven't posted for such a long time. Things here have been really shitty. See, we have serious economic problem. Phillip can't find a job and we can't pay the rent, the bills etc. I think he's not trying too hard, he thinks he had tried everything. We fight and fight all the time. I hate the fact that we fight when the baby's around but it's hard to wait until he's asleep. I always try not to begin a fight when he's there or leave the house when there's tension in the air.

We found out that it's useless to keep having all those expenses with no income and have to owe money. So, we decided to do what so many other people do, these difficult days in Greece...go back to our parents's house. I know how awful it sounds. I also know how awful it feels. You have to throw your ego to the carbage and try to keep your mind busy so you won't get crazy. It's so hard for such an indipendant person like me to accept such a failure. I feel horrible but, I know I have to carry on. I have to be strong for my baby. I shouldn't let the situation affect him which is hard cause I have a knot in my stomach pretty much all day long. He totally understands that something's wrong. Babies have such a strong intuition!

You might ask why don't I go to work. Well, when I was pregnant I asked a friend, whose cousin has babies, how long after the birth can somenone go back to her job. She said ''I don't know...a year maybe?!''. I was shocked! I thought that sometime after birth I could leave the baby with my husband and go to work. I thought that I should first recover from the surgery and get to know the baby, like two months maybe, and then everything would be too easy. But, a year? It seemed too much. I didn't know two things back then. The first one is that it's very difficult and time consuming to have a baby. I am tiding up the house all day long and it's still like a bombed landscape. The second thing is that I've never imagine how much I could fall in love with this little mister and how much educated I could be about babies. Babies clearly in such a young age, pretty much all they need is their mama and I decided to offer myself to him unconditionally. After all the things I've red I would feel extremely guilty if I let him for many hours. Of course I had no job waiting for me, no career to think about. If I could get a job it would be one with extremely small salary and too many hours away from my baby. That's all you can find right now in Greece. I don't think it would help a lot. Plus my mother works and she can't take care of my son so I could work. So I would have to pay someone, who I would never be sure if treats my son with love, to stay with him. That would leave me with no money at the end of the month so what's the point? As a person I wouldn't stand to have a stay at home husband, so Phillip having the baby and me going to work was not an option. So here we are. I was expecting that he would find a job but that never happened. Now we have to leave our house.

We had a huge fight yesterday. We said a lot that had to be said, but not this way. He broke a door and now we have to pay for the door also man. He insisted that we should go stay at his mum's. That would be like my worst nightmare. At the end we decided to break up and I was going at my mum's and he at his. This is so ridiculous. I mean we act like 10 year olds. But believe me this is how things are at Greece. We have no chance. At the end we confessed that we love each other and we don't want to break up. Anyway, the plan stays as it is for now with the difference that we are still together. I don't know where all this is going. I hate this situation. I hope things get better...

For now, all I do is packing, unpacking, cleaning etc. Moving out with a baby sucks!

Oh, the baby tasted some melon which he loooves! I have no pictures cause my camera had problems. What a pitty! It was so funny!

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